


Texas Chronicles

by Queen_OfThe_Universe



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Established Relationship, Fluff, Horses, M/M, Post Grave Danger, Posted to AO3 in 2020, Posted to ff.net in 2008, Ranching, Romance, THE LOVE, brokenhearts, horseback riding lessons, ranch life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-04
Updated: 2008-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:56:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23857216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_OfThe_Universe/pseuds/Queen_OfThe_Universe
Summary: Nick quits CSI and goes back to the ranch, leaving Greg sad and lonely. Can Greg find Nick and convince him to return to Vegas? Or will Nick’s need to be alone, and far from the man he loves, win out? Series of one shots. NG angst, romance, fun. Post GD
Relationships: Greg Sanders/Nick Stokes
Kudos: 6





	1. Desperado

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not sure where the idea for this story came from, whether it was the country song “Desperado” or the movie Brokeback Mountain, or a mix of the two with a little of who knows what else. But anyway, Texas Chronicles is a collection of short one shots meant to be fun and fluffy with minimal angst thrown in. I hope you enjoy them, and as always, I appreciate knowing what you think!
> 
> 2020 Note: All notes and references in them date back to the original writing of this story. And there turned out to be more angst than I'd planned.

Nick set the saw down and took the length of wood he’d just cut off the two saw horses and sized it up to the others lying in the grass nearby. He nodded without a smile when he saw that they lined up perfectly. He then took the freshly cut piece and fit it into the space in the wall of the small wooden cabin. 

“Hey, Cowboy. Looks like you’re getting a lot of work done out here,” a voice said from behind him. 

Nick turned to see a ranch hand approaching him with a pack horse just behind the one he was riding. 

“Hey James,” he greeted, setting the wood down. “You didn’t bring me soup, did you?”

“Of course not. I’m eating it on the way back.”

“Good.”

“By the way, you got some mail.”

“From who?”

“Dunno, didn’t look.”

James dismounted and began unpacking the second horse loaded up with canned goods and other essentials. The first thing he handed Nick was the letter. 

Glancing quickly at the return address, he recognized Catherine’s name before he was handed a large bag of potatoes. Wrestling everything into the one room cabin he didn’t notice when the letter fell to the bottom of the food pile as it got dumped into a corner until he could sort it out later. 

“You said you needed more nails last week, so I brought you a box.”

“Great. Thanks.” Nick took the box of nails and set it outside with the rest of his tools on the makeshift saw horse table.

James didn’t stay long, preferring to head back to the ranch which had running water and all the other amenities Nick had sworn off. Once James was back on his horse and had turned to leave, Nick went back to repairing the drafty cabin, as if he hadn’t even been there, replacing the rotten wood with the freshly cut wood he’d brought with him. 

When dusk began to settle on the small cabin he fed Misty, his horse, made sure she was safe in her temporary coral, put his tools away, and covered the new wood with a blue tarp before heading inside to build a fire and get dinner started. While the beans and rice were cooking over the hot flames he sorted out the food and supplies James had brought him setting them in neat, organized stacks. 

He ate dinner on the only furniture in the room, a small cot in the corner near the warm fire. He then took his boots off and crawled into bed, his muscles tired and aching from months of hard work and no relaxation. But all the same, it felt good. He was keeping himself busy with things that mattered, things that kept his mind on the project at hand and not wandering to others he couldn’t control. 

When his heart began to break again he sewed it up as quick as possible and shut out the thoughts that wanted to tear it apart everyday. He was home, where he belonged, and working hard with no one to bother him. That was all there was to it. 

Closing his eyes, he caught sight of something white on the floor. He reached out and picked it up and when he saw Catherine’s return address he sat up and opened the letter. He already knew what she was going to say and wondered if he shouldn’t just toss it into the dying embers of the fire before he got hurt again. 

_Nick,_

_I tried calling you but you’re not answering your cell phone. I called your mother and she said the best way to contact you was to write you a letter. What the hell’s going on? I have to write you a letter to talk to you?_   
_Nicky, you can’t do this. I know you think running away is going to solve the problem, but it won’t. And you’ve left a bigger problem behind than you even realize. Greg’s upset. No, upset isn’t the right word. He’s depressed and angry. He trashed all of his Marilyn Manson cds and all he plays now is every heartbreaking country song he can get his hands on. He’s lonely. You’ve left a mess behind that’s going to self destruct if you don’t get back here and handle it. We don’t know what to do. He can’t stay in the lab like this. There’s nothing we can do. It has to be you. You’re the only one he’ll listen to..._

Without reading further Nick tossed the letter into the embers and watched as it burst into flames and turned to ash. He wasn’t going back. He couldn’t. That had been his career, he had been planning on making a life out of it, but he couldn’t, not with Greg there to distract him every step of the way. Whatever Greg did, now that he was gone, was of no consequence to him. 

As he closed his eyes once again and let his mind drift off to dream land, one question surfaced to which he had no answer... Since when did Greg even listen to country music? 


	2. Rescue Mission

Greg stared up at the horse, his eyes wide. Bill Stokes laughed a belly laugh as Jillian came out of the house with a duffle bag. It was only his second time in Texas. The first time he’d come with Nick they’d been attending a forensics conference in Dallas and hadn’t had time to go riding as much as Nick had wanted to. He had, had plenty of chances of dinner with the Stokes family though, and they’d taken to him, even with his weird ways and hairdos, as quick as his old dog had been to jump for food dropped from the kitchen table. 

“Here you go, dear. You’re lucky Nick hasn’t thrown much of his old clothes away. But I’m still not sure they’re the right size... what’s the matter, honey?” Jillian stopped when she saw Greg’s terrified expression. 

“I... I don’t know how to ride... and that’s big... and scary,” Greg pointed toward the horse. 

Bill chuckled, “Cucumber’s not scary. More like gentle giant.”

“Yeah, and it’s the giant part that scares me.”

“Well, I can give you riding lessons or James can go with you,” Nick’s mother offered. 

“What’s wrong with my car? I’m not getting on a horse. No offense.”

“We don’t allow cars on the property. Only horses and tractors. Besides, a car wouldn’t get you where you need to go anyway. Neither would a tractor. He’s pretty secluded.”

Greg nodded solemnly, the fear gone, replaced by the seriousness of the situation, “Guess I’ll just have to walk then.”

“You sure about that? It’ll take longer.”

“I need to do this alone and I’m not getting on a horse. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. As long as I get it done.”

“I’m proud of you for doing this and I hope you can get through to him.” 

“So do I... So do I...”

A grim determination came over him as James led Cucumber away to be unsaddled. 

“Well, I figured you for more the walking type anyway so I’ve got a hiking pack all ready for you,” Bill said.

“How far out is he?”

“About a three days ride. But walking? It’ll probably take you four or five if you keep up a good pace.”

Greg’s heart sank. “He must really not want company.”

“Tread carefully, son.”

And Greg liked how Bill called him ‘son’ like he was already a part of the family, but it didn’t do much to elevate his mood, especially his previous words of ‘tread carefully’ in regards to his real son.

When he was packed, had a map to show him the way to the cabin Nick was currently fixing up, and had gotten a warm hug from both of Nick’s parents he set out on foot with a heavy pack on his back and a heavy heart inside his body. It was early morning and still relatively cool but by mid-day he was beginning to swelter. He wished, for a brief moment he had someone to talk to, but then changed his mind and went back to brooding over his relationship with Nick. 

He couldn’t take back what Nick had done, but it still stung every time he thought about it. If his plans to convince Nick to go back to Vegas failed he doubted he’d be able to get closure. He tried not to think about the ‘what ifs’ as the day wore on and on. Deep down he knew Nick’s reasons for leaving. He’d tried so hard, for so long to fix things, but he couldn’t. Nick wouldn’t let him in, wouldn’t talk to him. More and more as time went on he’d closed himself off until the day he’d quit CSI and announced that he was going back home to the ranch. He hadn’t even given Greg time to react, to say something, to stop him, before he was out the door and out of his life. He’d left Greg wondering what he could have done differently to help him. 

When dusk came on, he felt like he’d been walking for days, weeks, months even. He didn’t want to stop, but finally decided to rest his weary legs and get some food into his grumbling stomach. He found a landmark on the map of a lone tree and made camp underneath it. Gathering a handful of wood, he attempted to build a fire but a strong cold wind had come up and with his fingers stiff from the breeze he could hardly open a can of soup let along build a fire to cook it. So he ate a cold dinner before huddling in his bedroll and trying to stay warm. 

Being so cold only reminded him of Nick and cuddling with him on the couch back home. And maybe if he thought hard enough he would actually be able to feel the warmth of Nick’s body wrapping itself around him in sleep, keeping him warm. But he doubted it the moment he felt cold tears running down his face and freezing on his nose. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the pain in his heart until he fell asleep. 


	3. Finding Nick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t worry folks, fluff is on the way soon! Our recent conversation about giving up on The Love on The Fort over at talkcsi(dot)com entered this story just a bit here. So, I suppose, if you’re looking for Greg’s thoughts on giving up, well, they’re here! And btw, when I said this was post GD, I meant that, literally.

Nick took the hammer to the nail in the wood with all his might, using strength he wasn’t sure he had anymore and letting it all out until the nail had completely bitten into the wood up to its head. He grabbed the last nail he needed and began again for the hundredth time until the board was firmly in place. He felt himself trembling when he was finished. He knew he had to stop this crazy, relentless working but he couldn’t. Not on his own. And the one person who’d ever been able to calm him down was far away and out of his life. But that was a good thing. He didn’t want Greg to have to worry about him all the time. 

He turned away from the cabin to wipe the beads of sweat from his forehead with the back of his sleeve when he saw him. He couldn’t tell how long he’d been standing there but it was evident he’d been there awhile, watching him work. The hammer hung, loosely, in Nick’s grip at his side. His feet felt like they’d grown roots into the ground. He could only stare at the other man. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t speak. 

And then Greg was standing right in front of him, his big brown eyes looking worriedly into his own. His hand rested on his cheek and Nick knew he wasn’t strong anymore. His trembling grew worse but somehow Greg’s hand managed to keep him standing and grounded. 

He couldn’t do this. Greg couldn’t be here as much as he might have wanted him to be. 

“I still love you,” Greg whispered. 

He wasn’t doing this. He wasn’t. Greg would only hurt himself in the end if he continued this. 

“No, Greg... just... no.”

Nick wanted to turn away and go back to work, pretend this hadn’t happened. But he couldn’t. Greg’s hand was still on his face, cradling his cheek. 

“You’re not turning me away, Nicky. I didn’t walk four days straight just for you to turn me away.”

“Why are you here?” Nick’s voice came out as a squeak. 

“I can’t believe you’re asking me that. I love you. You can’t turn your back on that. I won’t let you.”

Nick sucked in a deep breath. “You’re too late.”

“Your demons won’t go away if you ignore them.”

“I don’t have demons, Greg.”

“Don’t bullshit yourself,” his choice of words might have implied he was angry, though his voice was soft, and the look in his eyes said he was anything but. It wasn’t pity Nick was looking at, pity he’d been sure he’d find, if Greg knew the truth. Instead, all he saw was love mixed with worry and concern. “Gil almost kicked me off the team indefinitely. I missed you too much and I’ve been worried about you. I know Catherine thinks I’m angry and all this other stuff. But I’m not. I can’t be. Though it doesn’t change the fact that they can’t stand to be around me when you’re not there.”

“Move on.”

“What?”

“This is me officially telling you to move on without me. Find someone new to fill my space.” It was hard for him to spit the words out, but he knew he had to. “I quit and I moved out here so no one can bother me. I don’t want a relationship.”

Greg’s gaze penetrated his soul through his own eyes like only Greg could. 

“I don’t believe you. You moved out here so no one could bury you in a box again.”

Nick suddenly felt like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming hummer. “No. You distract me at work. I can’t be around you,” He knew he was hurting him on purpose, and he hated himself for it, but it had to be done. Greg had to go home where he belonged.

An underlying fierceness joined the mix of emotions in Greg’s eyes. “You can lie to me all you want, Nicky, but I’m not gonna give up. Not until I see honest proof you don’t want me. And right now, I’m seeing nothing but the exact opposite. Your mouth is saying one thing but your eyes and your body are telling me something else.”

“Please go home,” Nick tried. 

“I’ve got two weeks off and you’re stuck with me until they’re up. So you’ve got a little over a week now to convince me you don’t truly love me anymore. Then I’ll walk away. But only then. Because I know you didn’t want to leave Vegas. You didn’t want to leave what we had. I know.”

Nick knew his willpower couldn’t last that long. But with Greg, he also knew he didn’t have a choice in whether he stayed or not. 

He faltered, “it wasn’t you, Greg... I... I’m not the person I used to be... I don’t know how to say this.” He looked down at his feet, feeling like a shy little boy who’d done something wrong. And he had. He’d lied to Greg. Every time his boyfriend had asked if he was ok he’d said yes. He never told him how far his fears went, never told him about the nightmares. Just now he’d admitted something he’d promised himself he never would to anyone. Greg could do that, could pull things out of him he was unwilling to give up, which was part of the reason why he left. Greg made it increasingly difficult to lie the worse things became, like his nightmares and the tough cases that nearly broke him until he couldn’t do it anymore. 

“You don’t have to say anything. I’m not blind, Nicky. I never have been. I’ve been trying to find a way to help you but you just kept pulling away from me and then you left. I’m really not as angry as everyone thinks I am because I know what’s wrong.”

“How can you be so sure?” Nick was skeptical. He’d never told anyone his deepest, darkest fears. Not even Greg, the one man he loved, the one he should have told so long ago. 

Greg swallowed the obvious lump building in his throat and managed to get out the words he’d been keeping locked up inside for far too long, “Nicky, we lived together. We slept together. How can I not know? Your nightmares woke me up too. I just never said anything because I knew you didn’t want me to know about them. It broke my heart to know you were fighting your demons alone so I finally got the courage to come here and spill my guts to you because I needed to, because you needed me to. I’m here because I love you and you can’t turn me away.”

While he’d been pounding the hammer to the nail a short while ago Nick had felt stronger, but now, with Greg in front of him, holding him, he felt weak. All he really wanted was Greg’s arms wrapped around him, but he knew he couldn’t have that anymore. He had to tell himself no. He’d turned Greg away, so why would Greg want him back? If he didn’t want him back... why was he there? Why did he walk that distance just for this?

The truth was, he wanted Greg to hate him for lying to him and leaving him. But Greg had already said more than once that he still loved him and it was clear he knew he was fighting an uphill battle to change Nick’s mind, but he seemed determined. Nick would have to be just as intent on keeping Greg away because he knew there was a part of him that was still wrapped around his boyfriend’s finger, as much as he didn’t want to admit it. 

“Don’t tell me you came all the way out here with nothing but the clothes you’re wearing. And why are you wearing my A&M football t-shirt?”

“I didn’t. I’ve got a bag over there. And your mom leant me half your wardrobe. I didn’t pack for a camping trip, and she took pity on me when I found out you weren’t at the house. I hope you don’t mind.”

Oh, no, Nick didn’t mind. In fact he had to admit Greg looked adorable in his shirt. So cute, he had to remind himself where his current priorities were. 

“Whatever. I don’t really wear that stuff anymore anyway. Look, I’ve got work to do. I’m not out here to daydream. So you can either help me or go sit somewhere.”

“You need to relax, hun. All this work and no play makes you...”

“Dinner’s at dusk and bedtime is after that. There’s no playtime. I told you, I’m not here to fool around.”

“Fine,” Greg looked defiant. “What’s for dinner?”

“Beans and rice.”

Greg blanched. “I think I’ve got a can or two of soup left. Should taste better.” 

“I don’t eat soup. Beans and rice or you go hungry. Remember, I didn’t ask you to come out here. But you’re here so you’ve got to live by my rules.”

Greg sighed. “Ok, fine.” 

His hand dropped from Nick’s face and it was as if a life-giving force had been taken from him. Nick grabbed another board and began hammering it into place with renewed vigor, trying hard to erase the crippled feeling that overwhelmed him as Greg had stepped away to get his bag. 

When Greg dumped his pack by the door and moved to hold the wood for him he didn’t say anything. He planned on not talking much, if at all, while Greg was there. It was the best tactic he could think of to get him to leave. If only he could keep his mouth shut and his hands to himself. Greg was right, however. He kept telling himself he needed to be alone to work out his issues, though it hadn’t done any good so far, and his body was craving touch from another human being. He needed someone to hold him... someone special... someone who was standing only a few feet away. 

Making sure there was at least two yards between them at all times, Nick hammered away, slowly chiseling at his life with each blow. 


	4. Sleeping Arrangements

Dinner had been a quiet affair, almost awkward. Greg hadn’t said anything, though he wanted to. He figured after his initial points made earlier it was best if he let Nick come to him on his own. He didn’t want to push too hard and end up pushing him further away. But it wasn’t like Nick was much of a talker either. The way Greg saw things, he’d just used his mouth to eat faster than normal so he could get to bed and pretend Greg wasn’t there. 

When Nick said he normally went to bed right after dinner, he wasn’t kidding, and Greg saw precision in everything he did, which said he might have eaten faster to speed up the going to bed process, but he always went to bed this early, no matter what. So Nick’s actions weren’t all because of his unexpected visit. But knowing that didn’t make him feel any better about the whole situation. 

Greg wasn’t sure if he’d be able to sleep. He didn’t think it was wise to sleep near Nick and the dying fire so he’d curled up into a ball inside his bedroll and did his best to keep warm on the other side of the cabin. Not bothering to close his eyes as his mind was still racing, he chose instead, to stare at a spot on the wall across the room. He didn’t realize his teeth were chattering until he heard Nick speak to him for the first time in several hours. 

“You’re teeth are chattering, honey.”

Greg looked up to see Nick resting on one elbow, watching him. 

“See, your mouth finally caught up with your body. I knew you still wanted me,” he couldn’t help but grin as he spoke. 

Nick sighed in the darkness, “Greg, bring your roll and get over here. I’ll keep you warm if it’ll stop your chattering and help me sleep. But don’t get your hopes up for anything more than that.”

Greg scrambled to obey. The cot Nick was using was narrower than a twin sized bed and Greg felt restricted once he was under the covers. But if they slept on their sides, there was just enough room for both of them. He found Nick’s body both warming and comfortable to be pressed against, even if it was a little stiff due to the close contact Nick hadn’t wanted. 

“God, G, you’re freezing!” 

Nick wrapped his arms around him, tucking Greg’s head under his chin just like he used to back when they’d lived together just a few short months ago. If he knew he wouldn’t be turned away, Greg wouldn’t have kept his mouth and tongue away from the throat in front of him. He did his best to resist the temptation to tell Nick he knew one sure fire way to warm them both up. Instead, he kept his mouth shut and breathed in Nick’s long missed and familiar scent. 

Nick swallowed and Greg broke down, kissing him lightly, feeling him stiffen more beside him. But he didn’t stop, his need drove him onward, to seek a peace between them, a peace in Nick after everything that had happened. He feathered his throat with more light kisses until he heard a strangled sound escaping Nick’s mouth and felt his body begin to tremble. He looked up to see Nick’s eyes clamped shut. 

“It’s ok,” Greg whispered. 

Nick’s mouth was also clamped shut and he’d gone silent as if he was trying to hold everything in. Greg continued to kiss him, trying to break through to him. 

Outside, an owl hooted into the darkness, creating music with whatever predatory animal had chosen to sit near the cabin and howl long mournful cries until another gave an answering call. Under normal circumstances Greg would have been scared to death of these animals which could have attacked him and eaten him alive, but right then he was so absorbed in Nick, he barely registered Nature’s nightly music. 

“I want you,” Nick’s voice came out sounding broken. “But I can’t do this.”

Greg stopped and looked up at him again. 

“Open your eyes, babe.” When Nick did he locked eyes with him. “You can do this and you don’t have to do it alone. You can. I want to help you get better. I didn’t walk all the way out here for nothing. It’ll take time, though. You just have to accept that. I know you’re used to taking the hero role, but even heros need heros of their own.” Greg paused for a moment to let his words sink in before he continued, wanting to assuage Nick of his fears. His voice was soft as he spoke, “we don’t have to talk about it right now. Maybe tomorrow we can find some time to talk about things. We’ll go at whatever pace you need, but we will get through this together. Ok?”

Nick slowly nodded, though a bit of fear was noticeable in his eyes. “I think so... maybe.”

“How much do you trust me?” Greg took a slightly different approach. 

“What?”

“How much have you ever trusted me, since we’ve been together. Even before that.”

“Completely,” Nick breathed, not even having to think about it. 

“Then don’t worry. I’m here for you, think about that, alright?” When his boyfriend nodded more assuredly, he said, “now, take a deep breath, and come here. You’ve got a cabin to fix in the morning so you should be getting some sleep. And maybe, if you’re feeling up to it, I might even let you put me on a horse.”

Nick smiled a little. Greg disentangled himself from him before wrapping his own arms around the other man and tucking his head under his chin. 

“I love you,” he whispered into the now quiet night. 

Nick didn’t react, but Greg wasn’t worried. He knew patience was key and for Nick he was full of the stuff he normally didn’t have for anyone else. He lay awake for a long while rubbing circles into Nick’s back until the older man’s breathing slowed to steady and even breaths. But even then, Greg couldn’t bring himself to fall asleep. After months of living alone, after knowing Nick on the most personal level, this was heaven and he didn’t wan to let it go. It felt good to be able to finally comfort Nick more openly, even if the outcome was still uncertain.

With a kiss to the top of Nick’s head, he allowed himself to close his eyes and drift into a deep sleep. 


	5. Nightmares and Riding Lessons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to give thanks to Stacy for inadvertently giving me the idea for the opener scene. She was picturing something horrible breaking Greg completely if he didn’t get Nick back in this story. Well... the way this story is set up, I couldn’t go forward in time two seasons, but I could go back and combine a few random things to help show what’s going on with Nick... so here we have it. Spoilers for PWF. BTW, we’re on our way to fluffdom faster than you think! And if you’re a Walker Texas Ranger fan, you might recognize a recurring character mention. If not, don’t worry, you won’t miss a single step! (I just couldn’t help myself when I needed an evil character who would do this sort of thing. He was the perfect villain.)

Nick opened his eyes to find himself in the middle of the desert, a dead body at his feet. He was obviously at a crime scene, though how he’d gotten there from the ranch was a mystery... as was the gun barrel pushing into his back. 

When he recognized the feeling of the gun he knew what was going on and where he was. His body began to tremble as he instinctively looked to his right to confirm his worst fears. The box was there... buried, but left open, a pile of dirt beside it. It could only mean the body was that of Detective Sophia Curtis and the original dead body from the crime scene was somewhere to his left. So the man behind him with the gun was Victor LaRue, an evil character on one of his favorite tv shows who always spooked him whenever he thought of him. 

“Ah, Nicholas Stokes... I see you’ve guessed my plans for you. Well, move on. I haven’t got all day,” LaRue spoke just as he always had on TV. 

“What if I don’t?” Nick didn’t want to ask the question. He had a feeling he already knew the answer, but he had to ask anyway. He didn’t want to do this, didn’t want to go through with an insane man’s plans, no matter what they were. He didn’t want to be buried alive again. He remembered the first time he had been and how much it had ruined his life with Greg. 

A photograph was held in front of him: Greg, with his beautiful chocolate eyes, staring back at him. 

“I think you know what would happen.”

Nick swallowed the immense lump that had formed in his throat. 

“No... God... please,” he choked out in a form of pleading for both their lives, but especially for Greg’s. 

“Get in the box, and he lives.”

Nick climbed into the box, a trembling, sobbing mess at least grateful Greg would be ok. Even so, he had a nagging feeling his boyfriend’s life was still in jeopardy, even as the lid on his coffin was shut and dirt shoveled over him. When he couldn’t see the night sky anymore he heard LaRue’s voice through a speaker somewhere near his head. 

“Now that you’re tucked away where no one can find you because they don’t even know you’re gone, let me explain something to you,” LaRue paused for a moment. “You see, your friend Catherine placed an unknown chemical under the fume hood. Correct procedure for the lab when evidence can’t be logged in, true. But someone else left the hot plate on too close and she didn’t realize it. Now, what does all of this mean? Put the clues together yourself, CSI Stokes.”

What he was asking wasn’t hard. Probably the chemical was flammable, why else would he have pointed out that it was near a heat source? So, the chemical would probably react and explode... explode in the lab... the DNA lab... specifically where Greg worked. Nick wondered just then if he would lose his lunch, if it was possible not to choke on it and die in this tiny space.

“You’re running out of air and your beloved is running out of time” LaRue continued. “But don’t worry, you’ll be able to hear him pass on before you do. I placed a microphone in the DNA lab, just for you.”

The man’s voice was then replaced by the sounds of the lab. Computers beeped, machines whirred, someone he could only assume was Greg shuffled papers before typing on a keyboard. A chair rolled. He heard footsteps and something was pulled out of a bindle. Movement stopped and Greg sighed, “Nicky, why can’t I get you off my mind? I can’t wait until shift is over... that’s too long...”

But then another pair of feet walked into the room and Greg shut up. 

“How’d you do with the nail clippers?” Gil Grissom, their supervisor, asked. 

“Uh, right over here. I figured it wasn’t a high priority since I already ided the semen in the victim,” Greg responded. 

“That only proves they had sex. The nail clippers can place Jason Kent at the murder scene. His nails, her DNA, traces of the booth, etcetera.”

“Killer, victim, location.”

“Holy Trinity, Greg. I need that,”* and he heard Grissom walk out the door. 

Nick began thrashing around in the box, screaming as loud as he could. He knew where this was going. Even through his screaming, sobbing, and thrashing, trying to get out to save Greg, though he knew it was too late, he could still hear his boyfriend humming a Garth Brooks tune Nick had been surprised to learn he liked just the week before. Then the humming stopped. 

“Huh?” Greg sounded confused, sniffing loud enough for Nick to hear through the mike. “Burning plastic?” 

Feet spun around as Nick screamed to block out the sound. But it didn’t work. It never did. 

KABOOM!

Nick sobbed, his body still, as glass rained down in the lab, sounding almost musical if Greg’s body hadn’t been the cause of it. 

“NICK! NICKY! Come on, babe, open your eyes!”

Nick blinked in confusion, trying to brush the harsh tears away so he could see better. His eyes were open... weren’t they? A hazy form appeared, cutting through the dirt above his head: Greg. 

“Come on, honey, I’m right here.”

Nick blinked again and the cabin at the ranch slowly came into focus behind Greg. 

“You ok?” Nick couldn’t miss the deep look of concern on Greg’s face. 

“I’m ok. Yeah.” He composed himself as quickly as possible, feeling more than a little embarrassed. 

Greg reached out and slowly brushed a few stray tears off his face. “It must have been pretty bad,” he spoke gently, suggesting Nick should tell him about it without actually saying the words. 

“They always are.”

He didn’t want to tell him. Didn’t want to remember them. 

“You know you can tell me about them.”

Greg knew he wasn’t going to. 

“No, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re... the end... oh God...” he did his best to hold his emotions in.

“How often?”

“Every night,” Nick admitted, shame creeping into his voice. 

Greg leaned closer and pressed their mouths together in a searing kiss. “I won’t ever let you sleep through one of those again. I promise.”

Nick found himself grasping onto that and not wanting to let go, hoping his tight grip was enough to tell Greg what he couldn’t say out loud.

* * *

Once they’d eaten breakfast an hour later, Greg sent him out to work on the cabin, and he had to admit he was confused by his own actions as well as Greg’s. Why he’d let Greg detain him in bed for so long, he didn’t know. He had work to do, and even though he’d enjoyed himself a little, the work wasn’t going to wait all day. He was also surprised Greg was letting him continue it, though he wasn’t going to ask questions. He was out there to get work done and he was already an hour late getting started. 

He began to work extra hard to make up for the lost time as well as to get the nightmare out of his head. 

“Nick! Stop!” Greg called out to him. 

“What? What’s wrong?”

“I think you’re still too upset from your nightmare and maybe it’s not a good idea for you to be working so soon after.”

“Greg, I can’t wait until the afternoon here. It’ll be too hot then. That’s usually when I slow down a bit.”

“But you don’t slow down, hun. That’s the problem.”

Greg came down the steps and over to him, cupping his face with both hands. He was doing it again and Nick was powerless to stop him. 

“I’m only letting you work to give you some semblance of the order you’ve built up around yourself, some measure of the control I know you need.”

“But... why?” Nick felt himself beginning to panic. 

“Shhhh... calm down. You need to relax, babe. You’re a workaholic and that’s not helping you. It’s probably only making your nightmares worse.”

“I need to get this done,” was Nick’s lame excuse. 

“Go slower. At noon you’re going to stop and have a relaxing afternoon. Because I know you haven’t done that since you were kidnapped. You got out of that box and threw yourself into work and then you quit because you couldn’t handle it anymore. You’ve worked yourself into a safety routine, that protects you from unintentional things, helps you stay focused, so you can’t think about things that scare you. And I’ll let you keep part of that. For now. But we are going to break that routine. So, at noon, you can take me horse back riding.” Greg smiled a little. 

“The last time we were out here I tried to get you on a horse, even though we didn’t really have time, and you refused.”

“So I changed my mind. I figure with you as a teacher I should be ok, right?”

“Yeah, right.” Nick hardly believed him, but he’d wanted to see Greg on a horse for a long time so he wasn’t going to complain, though he still had reservations about the situation. “By the way, I thought we’d be going at my own pace?”

“We will. I’m just giving you a little nudge first.” Greg leaned in and gave him a tender kiss before letting him go. “Now, go get your work done and look forward to the afternoon.”

Nick knew Greg was right, but accepting it wasn’t as easy as Greg made it seem. He wanted to follow Greg’s rules, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to give up his schedule. 

As much as he wanted to, he just couldn’t say no to Greg. When he’d made the decision to leave Vegas he hadn’t told him until it was too late because he knew Greg would be able to talk him out of it. But now, he had no choice. 

* * *

“Ok, work time’s up!” Greg called from his seat on the stairs. 

Nick set down the handsaw he’d been using, ready to grumble about having to stop when there was still so much to get done, but the truth was, he’d been thinking about how hot Greg would look on a horse all morning. 

When he got off the steps Nick noticed something different about him and when he looked him over he noticed the old worn out cowboy boots... and damn... suddenly he was picturing him in nothing but those boots. And while there was something missing from that image, the words ‘hot’ and ‘sexy’ didn’t begin to describe the younger CSI. 

“Close your mouth Stokes,” Greg ordered with that glint in his eye that told Nick he knew exactly what he’d been thinking. “These are your old boots from high school, according to your mother. What would she think if she knew how dirty your mind is?”

Nick shook his head to clear it of the beautiful image and turned to get his horse ready for Greg. But as soon as he had him up on Misty’s back the younger CSI seemed to have changed his mind. 

“You know what, Nick? I’m not so sure about this. I don’t think I like this. I was right to refuse before,” Greg panicked. 

“Oh no. You’re up there now. It’s too late to change your mind.”

Nick had a feeling he was going to enjoy this more than anything else he’d enjoyed in a long time. He felt himself begin to smile and he made no bones about holding it back for the first time in a long time. 

“Oh shit. I’m in trouble. Why did I ever agree to this?” Greg’s brow furrowed in worry. 

“As I recall, you were the one who practically begged me to teach you to ride. Actually, no, wait, you simply told me I was going to. So, now you’re stuck up there. Sorry.”

“Nicky!” Greg was begging now and while Nick had a feeling he might be staging the whole thing just for him, he found the begging just too cute to ignore. His smile turned into an easy grin. 

“Back straight, heels down... G, your feet aren’t even in the stirrups.” Nick helped him get his left foot in. “There, you want it right on the ball of your foot. Good.”

Greg moaned, “I don’t like being up this high.”

“If you fall I’ll be right here to catch you. But you won’t. We won’t even be going above a walk. Now, hold the reigns like this,” Nick showed him how. 

Greg was so nervous once Misty was moving that he was shaking a little, and it was almost hard to imagine he was faking this. Nick let go of the bridle, confident Greg would be ok once he realized he was perfectly safe, and began walking forward, calling Misty to walk with him. He’d teach Greg how to get her to move on his own once he felt he was comfortable in the saddle. 

But the bay horse didn’t want to follow Nick with the nervous man on her back. Instead she snorted and backed up, making Greg’s eyes widen. 

“Whoa, whoa.” Nick grabbed her bridle. “Greg, you have got to stop being so nervous. She can tell and it’s upsetting her.”

“I can’t help it,” Greg murmured through a clenched jaw. 

After making sure Misty was calm, he looked up at Greg and saw the true panic in his eyes. He may have started out with good intentions to help Nick but now that he was up there things had changed. He moved to the horse’s side. Holding the bridle in one hand, he held out his other to Greg, an idea forming in his mind. 

“Drop the reigns and take my hand.”

“What if she bolts?”

“She won’t. I’ve got her.”

Greg gripped his hand in one quick movement. 

“Ok, right foot out of the stirrup. Stand up on your left and swing your right behind you and down. If you want to hold onto the saddle, it might be easier.”

Eager to get off, Greg nearly tumbled into Nick who caught him as he began to fall. 

“Oh, thank God. I’m sorry, but I’m not doing that again!”

“Don’t worry about it, G.”

Even as he took the saddle off he knew this was a bad idea but he just couldn’t control himself. His heart and his blinding need had already overpowered his logical brain. When the saddle was on the ground he pulled Greg back. 

“Ok, up you go.”

“What?” But he’d already hoisted him back up onto Misty’s back before Greg could protest even more. “Nicky! I’m going to kill you!”

“No you won’t,” Nick said with a grin. 

Greg whimpered as Nick lead the mare over to an old tree stump, murmuring to her in order to keep her calm and her mind off the nervous wreck on her back. 

“You’ve lost your mind.”

“The first thing you need to do is become comfortable up there, to be able to relax, and you obviously can’t do that alone.”

“What are you getting at?”

Using the old stump as leverage, Nick mounted the horse behind Greg. For the first few seconds Greg was as stiff as a board but as soon as he recognized Nick’s body pressed up against his back and his arms wrapped around him he was as relaxed as he had been during lazy days spent in bed with Nick before the kidnapping. 

“Back straight, babe,” the words fell out of his mouth with an easiness Nick hadn’t known in a long time and he felt another smile crossing his face once he realized what he’d said. He knew this was where he belonged, could feel it in his bones, could feel the weight of missing Greg for so long lift from his shoulders. “You can’t be a wet bag of sand. We’re already pushing her weight limits doing this.”

“I feel better already,” Greg said and Nick could hear the smile in his voice as the other man straightened up. 

He took the reigns from his boyfriend and clucked to the mare, easing them into an leisurely walk. 

“I gotta say, the world looks much different from up here.” 

“Mmmhmm.”

“So where are we going?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Greg’s interest sounded piqued.

“No, and your temperament suddenly changed.”

“So did yours. I’m surprised you’re up here with me.”

“Mmm... me too. But I’m not complaining. I’m more surprised you’re ok up here.”

“You’re with me. That makes all the difference.”

“I hoped it would.”

“As long as you’re next to me nothing else matters. You know that right?”

Nick sighed, “yeah, I know.” But he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. 

They rode on for a while in silence, Nick expertly guiding the horse through a copse of trees. 

“I’m sorry,” Nick finally said.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” 

“I just don’t get...”

“Kiss me,” Greg interrupted. 

“What?”

“You don’t understand how I could forgive you after you walked out. But what you don’t know is that the simplest thing from you turns me into jelly. So if you really feel the need to pay me back for my forgiveness all you need to do is kiss me.”

Nick’s arms instinctively tightened around him and before he knew it he’d reigned Misty to a stop and was kissing Greg’s neck like he’d never kissed him before. He was sucking hard with the intent to leave a large bruise so no one could mistake the fact that Greg was taken. His brain told him this was a bad idea, that he’d walked away for a good reason, but his body wasn’t listening. 

Greg let out a low moan that quickly turned into a whimper as his hands closed over Nick’s and gripped them with a fierceness which told Nick his movements against his neck probably hurt. But right then he couldn’t have cared less. 

The horse snorted and a rabbit ran across their path. These things he didn’t notice. Greg’s breathing increased and his hands began to fidget and tighten at the same time. These things he did notice. He could envision Greg’s eyes closed, his face the picture of ecstacy, and it only made Nick drive in harder, as if to prove a point even he wasn’t so sure of himself. 

When Nick finally pulled his mouth away he was so out of breath he could hardly gasp to bring fresh air into his lungs. He rested his head on Greg’s shoulder, letting his breath even out. 

“Where the hell did that come from Nicky?” Greg asked, gasping for air himself. 

He didn’t respond for a few moments but when he did he knew he was speaking the truth even if his brain tried to tell him otherwise, “I’ve missed you and I need you.” 

Silent tears coursed down his face, falling for the first time since he’d been pulled free from the box. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The conversation that Greg has with Grissom actually came from Play With Fire.


	6. Facing Fears

It had been several days since Nick had broken down in tears and he was still fighting with himself. Sometimes he would be willing to take Greg in his arms and others he’d recoil at the touch, as if he was trying to force himself to stay away. Today was a good day, however, and Greg smiled at the memory of his earlier conversation with Nick while he worked on the new cabin they’d just moved to...

Still hurting from his first time horseback riding, Greg ended up relaxing underneath a tree while he watched Nick work. He had to admit, as much as he didn’t want to see Nick working so hard, his boyfriend certainly looked hot wielding a hammer with no shirt on. His beautifully tanned and sweat soaked skin gleamed in the bright sunlight as he moved. Sexy didn’t begin to describe what he was seeing. 

“You gonna just sit there and bat your eyelashes at me? I thought you were gonna help me out here.” Nick looked up at him, a mischievous little grin on his face. 

“I hurt. Ok?”

“If you stay here long enough you’ll get used to riding and it’ll eventually become second nature, like finding DNA from a strand of hair. Riding always used to make me feel better, no matter what was wrong.”

“Well, please forgive me, but the view is spectacularly soothing right here.”

Nick’s grin broke into laughter so beautiful Greg had a hard time believing he’d actually been the one to cause it. He straightened up, resting the ax handle on his bare shoulder, and Greg could almost feel the drool on his chin as he stared, watching the sweat droplets run down slick skin. 

“Pick your chin up, babe, wipe the drool off, and get your brain out of the gutter,” Nick joked. 

Greg pushed his chin shut with his finger, pretended to wipe the imaginary drool off his chin with the back of his hand, reached down, as if in a gutter, and scooped out his brain. He stuffed it back inside his head and latched his forehead shut only to have his jaw drop again when he looked at Nick. His body shivered at the look of mirth his boyfriend was shooting him, and his head tilted to the side. He tried to catch his brain as it fell out again, but without luck. 

“Oh, dang,” he played the act of a geek fallen head over heels perfectly, just the way he knew Nick couldn’t resist, running off to chase his brain as it rolled away.

He loved making Nick laugh and it had been so long since he’d heard that laugh it almost hurt. 

Now he leaned against the same tree with Nick in his arms, resting his head against his chest, his eyes closed against the bright sunlight. Seeing the new lines that had appeared on Nick’s face since he’d left Vegas reminded him of eggs breaking and the cloud of flour that had engulfed him in their driveway when Nick drove off without so much as an explanation. He didn’t remember picking up the grocery bags from the pavement. Maybe he did... maybe he didn’t. Maybe it was Catherine... he would never remember anything after that moment except the blinding pain in his heart as he’d sank down to the ground and leaned against his car. Had he even cried? He must have, but maybe it had taken awhile for his soul to loosen the tears. 

And when he didn’t show up for work, or answer his phone, Catherine came by to check on him... or was it Sara? Warrick maybe? Someone must have picked him up and gotten him cleaned up from the mess of food and thrown out the meat that had gone bad after sitting for hours in the hot Vegas sun. 

He never thought Nick would leave him, and it still hurt to know that Nick’s faith in him, while still strong, had wavered just enough to make him run away. He’d hated the feeling of helplessness when Nick had first come home from the hospital. He hated not being able to do anything but watch him spiral downward, watching deep lines appear on his face. But he’d never thought he would leave...

“My faith in you has always been strong,” Nick’s voice brought Greg’s eyes to his deep brown pools and he found his boyfriend looking up at him. “My faith only wavered in myself. But never you.”

“Did I say that...?”

“I understand what you’re thinking even if you don’t say it. You should know that by now.”

Greg smiled. “Only you could ever do that to me.”

“G... I... Catherine said you trashed your music collection,” Nick caught him off guard. 

“Wha...? Where did that come from, Nicky?”

“She wrote me a letter. Told me you started listening to country music, that they couldn’t deal with you. She said you were going to self destruct.”

Greg caught a hint of fear in Nick’s beautiful eyes when he mentioned Greg possibly self destructing. For awhile he’d thought Nick didn’t care about him, that he couldn’t possibly care about him, especially right after he’d left Vegas. Sure he said he’d missed Greg and needed him. But did he know just how much Greg had missed and needed him too? 

He rested his hand on the top of Nick’s head in a comforting gesture, unsure why he felt the need to comfort Nick when their conversation was no longer about Nick’s issues, but those Greg had developed since his boyfriend had ruined his life. 

“I was confused. I mean, you left all of a sudden without any explanation. I thought it was me. That maybe I’d done something... or... I don’t know. I was in a pissed off mood the day she found me cleaning out my locker of all my music. It was a decision I hadn’t thought about before I made it. And I was throwing the CDs into a trash bag because that’s all I had to take them home in. I was upset. I didn’t understand... I still don’t understand. But I’m not pissed off or upset over it anymore. I know you’ll tell me when you’re ready. It’s just that I missed you so much, and I admit, I felt a little lost without you, without knowing why you’d left me.” His cheeks flushed. 

“Well, ‘a little’ doesn’t begin to cover it. I may have lost it on a few occasions at work.” Nick’s eyes widened. “It’s not like me, I know... I just... I need you, Nicky. I can’t live without you because you’re the half that makes me whole. Remember I told you that a long time ago and you agreed with me. You said you would make sure nothing came between us and then this happened...” Greg slowed down and took a deep breath to calm himself. “Look, Nick, I know this isn’t really your fault, you couldn’t help what happened any more than I could but...”

“But I should have realized how much my leaving would affect you. I should have thought everything through before I acted. And I didn’t. I was only thinking about myself. So it is my fault.”

“Sorry to intrude on a personal moment guys, but you’re your supplies are here.”

Both men looked up to see James arriving with two horses. 

“Uh oh,” Greg stared, remembering very well the pack horse James was leading. 

Nick turned back to look at him. “What?”

“It’s Cucumber.”

“I didn’t know you two had met.”

Greg gave a sarcastic laugh. “We already have a history.”

“She really is gentle, Greg,” James said, dismounting his own horse. 

“You’re forgetting the ‘giant’ part. Misty over there almost threw me the other day.”

“She did not, G. You were just freaking out,” Nick stood up. 

Now James was laughing. “I can’t believe you actually got city boy, here, up on a horse.”

“I can’t believe it either. But someday, I promise you, he’ll learn to love it.”

“Yeah, if he’s around you and you don’t plan on leaving the ranch, he’s got no choice.”

Greg grumbled under his breath and crossed his arms over his chest as the two cowboys began unpacking Cucumber. When Nick lead Cucumber to the makeshift corral where Misty was prancing excitedly at the prospect of a companion, Greg got up to block his path. 

“She’s not staying here.”

Nick only smirked. “Yes, she is. Now get outta my way.”

“I’m... I’m just gonna let you two argue this one without me. Ok?”

Greg glared at Nick as he saw James mount his horse and trot away from the corner of his eye. 

“Thanks James!” Nick called after him, his eyes never leaving Greg. 

“I used to like you,” Greg muttered. “Now I’m not so sure.”

“So you mean I shouldn’t resume the apologies I’d started when he arrived? Good. Then I can put Cucumber in the corral, not have to hear you complaining, and get back to work on this cabin.” 

If Greg hadn’t been watching Nick so closely he would have thought the other man was serious and perhaps a bit angry at him. But the smile Nick was giving him told him otherwise. 

“G... I’m not asking you to ride Cucumber,” his voice softened. “Come here.” Nick put an arm around him and pulled him closer to the horse. “She won’t hurt you. Yeah, she’s tall, but she is a gentle horse. The most gentle one we have on the ranch, actually. And if you let her, she can be your best friend, listen to all your woes...” Nick took Greg’s hand in his and placed his fingertips on Cucumber’s velvety muzzle. 

“Nicky...” Panic began to build inside and he struggled to hold it down so he wouldn’t freak out in front of the horse like he had with Misty. He didn’t need to get trampled.

“Shhh... it’s ok,” Nick soothed, standing beside him, still holding his hand against the mare. 

Cucumber wuffed gently into his hand and he thought of all the germs that now coated his hand. 

“Stop thinking so scientifically. Just like you keep staring into my eyes, look into hers. You can tell from that look she’s just a big love. She won’t hurt you.”

He felt a light kiss drop onto his head as Nick’s hand slipped away from his. Cucumber nudged his hand a little. 

“Go on, give her a nose rub. She likes those.”

Greg hesitated, but when she nudged him again, he gave her nose a little rub for which she seemed relatively happy. He leaned back into Nick’s embrace feeling just a little more comfortable with himself, with Cucumber, and with the way things seemed to be progressing between himself and Nick.


	7. Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummm.... smut warning? lol, yeah I know, coming from me you’re all confused cause I normally don’t write it. But it’s true. Just read, and let me know what you think!

The dishes were finally clean when Nick left the small stream where he and Greg had spent the day. It had not been a day for working on the cabin. Greg had seen to that the moment he’d woken up in a cold sweat, shaking uncontrollably in Greg’s arms for nearly an hour. His boyfriend had insisted they spend the entire day relaxing by the stream they’d found the afternoon before. Neither of them had said much in the comfortable silence and it felt like a lazy Sunday spent at home when they weren’t on call. 

Greg wasn’t pressing him for details, just like he’d promised, but he was offering all the love, support, and comfort he could, even if he wasn’t saying it out loud. Nick had finally been able to decompress and forget about his troubles for awhile and even though his thoughts had eventually returned to his nightmares and why they were out at the ranch instead of their home in Vegas, he felt a little renewed by the time dinner was ready.

Taking the clean dishes and piling them up in his arms he carefully made his way back toward the cabin. When he saw Greg sitting on the top railing of the corral with Cucumber’s head only inches away from his, he set the dishes on the cabin steps and went to join him, grabbing a jacket from the tool table when he saw the other man shiver in the fading sunlight. 

“Looks like you’re getting along,” he said, draping the jacket over Greg’s shoulders and joining him on the fence. 

“She’s cool.” Greg tightened the coat around him as he combed the mare’s forelock with his fingers. “Thanks.”

If Greg could face his fears and overcome them, then there was a chance Nick could too. While there was no pressure, in just a few days Greg would have to be on a plane back to Vegas, back to the lab. And Nick knew if he didn’t do anything now to help himself, he never would once Greg was gone.

Without thinking, his mouth took over where his heart had trouble, “I used you as an excuse to run away from my problems.” Greg turned to face him and his eyes fell to his knees in guilt and embarrassment. “I blamed you in my mind for distracting me at work. But it wasn’t just you. It was everyone else. There was an insistence to heal faster and I didn’t think I would be able to at all... I’m still not sure. Everyone around me was radiating pity. They felt sorry for me and I couldn’t deal with that, even though I know they meant well. Your wanting me to heal was more genuine, I knew it. But I pushed you away because you were the closest to me, the closest thing I could act out on. I didn’t want to hurt you in the long run if, years from now, I was still broken. I know you weren’t pressuring me like everyone else, but your need was still there. I understood everything you never said.”

Greg reached over and took both his hands in his, intertwining their fingers, as hot tears pricked at Nick’s eyes. 

“I had nightmares before I left... before I left you. I guess you know that. But they were never as bad as they are now.” He shuddered at the thought. “I never used to loose you every night. He used to just bury me alive... but after... he started making me listen to the lab blow up... and you didn’t survive. 

“You never do. And there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m trapped in that box and I can’t save you. I scream and I hit the sides, try to escape, try to make enough noise to block out the sounds, but I can still hear the explosion... I can still hear you whispering my name in the moments before you die, asking why I didn’t do something to save you. Did I not love you enough? And... and... the paramedics arrive... but you die anyway. It feels like my whole body is going to break in half every time.”

He knew he was beginning to ramble, doing something Greg would do, but he couldn’t help himself. Maybe he and Greg were more connected than he’d ever thought if he was suddenly borrowing traits he’d never had before without caring. He leaned into Greg as the other man pulled one hand free to wrap an arm around his shoulders. 

Feeling his boyfriend’s lips on his skin, lingering over his temple, tears finally fell from his eyes and rolled down his face. A cloud of white dust rose in front of him and it took him a moment to realize it was flour, rising from a broken bag on pavement. His chest tightened at the look on Greg’s face through his windshield. It was a look he would never forget, a miserable feeling he would always remember, unable to cry as he’d backed his truck down the driveway and drove away from the one place that had truly been his home away from the ranch. He’d hurt him, hurt the one he loved, the one he’d wanted to spend eternity with, and second chances rarely showed themselves... 

Misty trotted over to join the trio and nudged him in the chest, as if to make sure he was ok. But he couldn’t let go of Greg to give her a pat on the neck. He needed the physical connection so much and Greg seemed to understand as his grip tightened around him.

“I don’t know if I can go back. Not now. Not yet anyway... maybe not ever,” he spoke the truth, turning to look into Greg’s eyes, hoping he would understand. “If I don’t go back to Vegas, or even just my job... I need you to be ok with that.”

Greg worried his lips between his teeth a moment or two before he spoke, “you know I am, Nicky. As long as you’re ok with it, I can be cool with whatever you decide to do.”

“You’re the only thing keeping me sane right now. I need you so much. I just don’t want to pull you away from your dreams of making it as a CSI.”

“Hey, I made it, remember? Or did you forget that party you guys threw me right after? If putting my career on hold for awhile will help you...” 

“But I don’t know...”

“Honey, even if you decide not to go back to Vegas, that’s alright with me. I’ll move down here. I’m sure the Dallas PD could use a CSI... or even a DNA tech. I am the best in the country, you know.”

“I know, babe, but, you can’t work with the Dallas PD. They’ll eat you alive when they find out you’re gay. I don’t want to see you get hurt because of that.”

“Then I’ll help you out here at the ranch. Just give me a cowboy hat and a lasso and I’ll be ready to go.”

“You need to know how to ride for that... and even if you could...you still can’t move out here permanently with me.”

“Why not?” Greg looked indignant. 

“Because as much as you try to hide it, I know you’re grumbling every morning when you can’t fix your hair just the way you want it. There’s no amenities out here at all, no running water, no hair gel, just straight living. I think it’ll get to you eventually, no matter how much you think it won’t.”

Greg gave a slow grin then. “If that’s all you’re worried about, I can change that.”

“But I don’t want you to change. I like your hair the way you like it because that’s who you are.” 

Nick ran a hand through Greg’s messy brown locks with affection when it hit him. He pulled away from Greg, taking off his own cowboy hat and placing it on Greg’s head. This was what he’d been missing. He looked him over, feeling his jaw drop and possible drool...

“Pick your chin up, babe. Wipe off that drool,” Greg laughed his sweet musical laugh. “And get your head out of the gutter.”

Nick gave him his first real genuine smile in a long time before leaning in close. “But what if I like it here in the gutter?” he pressed his lips to Greg’s, licking them with his tongue, teasing his mouth open, kissing him like he hadn’t in months. It felt so good and so right he had to wonder why he’d ever wanted to give this up. 

An audible sigh came from Greg and when he pulled away there was a large grin covering his face. His heart swelled at the thought that he was the one who put it there and he reveled in the idea that this Super Megawatt Smile was meant only for him. Sure everyone at the lab knew about his Megawatt Smile that could power the entire planet, but only Nick ever saw the smile that could power the whole universe. 

“I should be fighting you every step of the way, my brain says I should. But I’m tired of losing you every night. I can’t go through that again. I could have lost you for real when the lab blew up. You were at the center of the explosion. You have no idea how scared I was that day, how hard it was to act normal and keep working despite what had happened to you.

“And then when I was buried alive... all I could think about was how I’d lose you if you didn’t find me in time. I didn’t want to be separated from you like that. I was so scared I’d never see you again.

“I love you, G,” the words came out unexpectedly, but were not, could not, be regretted. “I never stopped... I couldn’t... I can’t.”

Greg leaned forward, took his face in his hands, and softly kissed him. A heavy weight lifted from Nick’s shoulders and it was as if he were a small bird flying high through the clouds on a beautiful breeze during a bright sunny day. When Greg let him go their eyes locked and Nick could easily see the depth of Greg’s love for him. It was so infinite... He felt safe, something he hadn’t even thought about when he got out of the coffin. He wondered, briefly, if that would have made a difference in their lives, in their relationship. 

Greg tugged on Nick’s fingers with gentle affection before hopping down from the fence. Walking backward, his eyes lured Nick to follow all the way into the cabin. Losing the jacket to the floor, he hung Nick’s hat on the nail in the wall. Greg reached behind him, without breaking eye contact, shut the door, and slid the lock into place. 

He began to methodically undress him, starting with his shirt and working slowly. When the buttons were undone he pushed it off Nick’s shoulders, catching it when it fell off his arms. He neatly folded it and set it on the pile of folded clothes at the foot of the cot. Nick followed and sat down. Greg kneeled before him and pulled off his boots and socks. He set them aside with care as Nick stood up and allowed him to unbuckle his belt and pull his jeans off. Nick stepped out of them. When his boxers fell to the floor he stepped out of those too. 

It had been a long time since this had happened, and when it had, it had never been quite like this. He reached up to start on Greg’s shirt, but Greg stopped him. His hands rested on his shoulders, guiding him back toward the bed. He didn’t rush when he unbuttoned his own shirt, letting it fall to the floor in a heap. Nick had never seen or experienced anything so breathtaking in his entire life, and the fact that Greg was moving slow and methodically both turned him on and calmed his fears.

Greg leaned over him as he lay back on the pillow they had been sharing and pressed their lips together in a slow, luxurious kiss. He closed his eyes as hands made their way over his body, leaving no part untouched. Feeling Greg this close felt like coming home and the realization of just how much he’d missed the other man, how much his heart had broken with missing him, hit him hard. But Greg was still moving over him, still clothed from the waist down, and that alone made him forget the tears that wanted to surface just then. 

Greg’s hands moved against him, bringing him to attention faster than they ever had before, but he knew this time would be different, would take more time. And as much as he was ready for a faster pace, he wanted it slow, as slow as Greg would take it. He wanted this to last forever, to always feel so close to Greg, as if they were made, not of two separate beings, but one.

Greg’s mouth left his, traveling southward, leaving a hot, wet trail behind all the way down his chest as his hands continued to move, his fingers stroking and gliding. When he took him whole Nick had to struggle to swallow the saliva that had collected in his mouth in order to breathe. He clutched at the sheets, his mind going blank except for the knowledge that Greg was with him and was the cause of every wonderful feeling he had in those moments. 

With a hot tongue working over him he had no idea how much time had passed until Greg had him releasing into his beautiful mouth. He continued to suck until there was nothing left, leaving Nick a little sweaty, warm, and flushed, but otherwise clean and completely relaxed. 

When he tried to sit up, to give Greg the same action, he found it difficult. A hand gently pressed his chest back down. 

“Sleep,” Greg whispered in his ear. 

Sheets and blankets were pulled over him and tucked under him.

“But...”

A warm body wrapped itself around his and a face burrowed into the crook of his neck, kissing softly. 

“Just sleep.”


	8. Opening the Gate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter! Enjoy the light fluff that has finally showed up! Very little angst, I promise! Lol. The Johnny Cash reference is about his song entitled “Desperado” which, if you recall, is the title of the first chapter. The title of this chapter is in reference to one of the lines in the song too. I wasn’t planning on doing that, it just turned out to look good that way, since I’d already referenced it with the first title. Hope you like!

Life was bliss. Greg felt like he’d been grinning non-stop for days. Things couldn’t get any better than sitting astride Cucumber, his latest best friend, with Nick’s bare chest pressed up against his shirtless back, his boyfriend’s arms around him holding the reigns. 

“We’re almost there,” Nick said into his ear. 

“Hmmm, and you know what your father’s gonna say?”

“What?”

“He’s gonna thank me for getting you down from those fences you were riding.”

“You’ve been listening to too much Johnny Cash, babe.”

“I can’t help that.”

“I know.”

Nick reigned Cucumber to a stop just out of sight from his parent’s ranch house. Misty, loaded down with their supplies, stopped obediently behind them. Nick dropped the reigns and encircled his arms around Greg, holding him tight. 

“Nicky?”

“I love you. I love you. I love you. I just need you to know that before we go back to the rest of the world. I love you so much.”

Greg blushed, even though he knew Nick couldn’t see him. He rested his now tanned hands on Nick’s beautifully strong arms. “I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that.” He turned his head to see Nick, reaching up behind him to bring Nick’s head down to his, avoiding the brim of the cowboy hat his boyfriend had parted with days ago. Their lips met in a languid kiss that seemed to last for eternity before they required air. 

“And I’ll never get tired of you doing that,” Nick breathed. 

“Good... Um, Nick? Is that who I think that is on your front porch?” From where they sat Greg could just make out three figures relaxing with what looked to be tall glasses of lemonade through the trees. 

“What are they doing here?” Nick sounded as puzzled as Greg felt.

“I could really go for a lemonade. You’re making me all hot and sweaty... not that I’m complaining. Do you think your mom would make me some? After all, I’m more related than they are.”

“Of course she would, G. My mom loves you.” Nick let him go and picked up the reigns. “Guess we’d better go say ‘hi’.”

“Yeah, we should. By the way, I love you too.”

* * *

Warrick stood up from his chair as the two CSIs rode into the yard. “Oh my God... I think I just stumbled into Brokeback Mountain.” 

“It’s good to see you too,” Nick laughed a little. “What are you doing here?” 

“Greg?” Catherine stared. 

He tipped the cowboy hat on his head. “Howdy Ma’am,” he said in his best Texan accent.

He heard a snort from behind him and felt Nick shaking with laughter as the rest of their coworkers looked on, amused. 

“Greg... what happened to you? You’re all Texified... and damn... I should have said yes to all your flirting!”

“Sorry, babe, but I worked hard for what I’ve got, and I’m not about to give him up.” He rubbed Nick’s bare arm affectionately for emphasis. 

“Don’t you guys get tired of seeing each other so much?” Nick asked. 

“Doesn’t look like you do,” Sara smiled. 

Greg felt a kiss land on his cheek and grinned even wider as a second blush crept over his cheeks. “Nope.”

“You guys look really happy again. I’m glad.”

“Thanks Sara. Coming from you, that means a lot.”

Nick dismounted first and was hidden by the horse when Greg heard Mrs. Stokes from the doorway. “Gregory Hojem Sanders! Where’s your shirt?! You’re going to get a nasty sunburn!” 

The rest of the Vegas nightshift CSI team chuckled to themselves. He blushed sheepishly for the third time, suddenly feeling underdressed in front of Nick’s mom, never mind about getting a sunburn. He was glad when Nick pushed a shirt into his hands. Greg quickly took off the hat and shoved the shirt on over his head. 

“How does she know my middle name, Nicky?” he asked through the side of his mouth. 

“Sorry, G. She asked and I told her. I didn’t know she was going to use it against you.” 

“Nicholas Parker Stokes!” Jillian marched around Cucumber to see Nick also pulling a shirt on over his head. “Don’t think you can hide from me young man! You should know better. Do you honestly want your boyfriend to get skin cancer?”

“Mrs. S. It’s ok. We only shed shirts half a mile ago.”

“Don’t you be making excuses for my son and your health... Wait... you’re on a horse! Bill! Get out here! Greg’s on Cucumber!”

“What in tarnation’s going on out here, Jill? What’s all the yelling about? Hey, Greg’s on Cucumber!”

“That’s what I just said!”

Greg still wasn’t entirely comfortable on Cucumber’s back, but he had improved since his first riding experience, and as long as Nick was there with him, he was more confident things would be ok.

Nick finally emerged from hiding once he’d gotten his shirt on. 

“And you managed to get my boy down from those fences he was riding! Good work, son.” 

Greg beamed. “Told you so,” he murmured to Nick once he was on the ground standing beside him. 

“Yeah, you did,” Nick smiled, putting an arm around his waist and pulling him close. 

James appeared and took the reigns from Nick. “I’ll get them washed up and put away and then I’ve got to get home to the wife,” he said in Bill’s direction. 

“Sure thing, and say ‘hi’ for us, will you?”

“Yep.”

“Come on, gang, supper’s on. Why don’t you all wash up and I’ll get the table set.”

* * *

“So, what are you guys doing here?” Nick asked again once everyone was seated around the large dining room table. 

Catherine sighed. “It’s a long story.”

“Everyone got a little too stressed out after you left,” Warrick clarified. “We were all working this crazy case. And you’d just left. Greg couldn’t handle you being gone, which I think seeped into the rest of us over time. We were trying to hold it together, but everything just kinda went into a big melting pot, you know?”

“We’re all on a weeks paid leave. Finally. Remember they wouldn’t give us shit after we saved you.”

“Ecklie wanted you on the same paid leave, Greg, he just didn’t know where you were to tell you himself.” 

“But he doesn’t know, I mean, really know, why I left. Right?”

“Hell no. We just told him we’d find you and get the message to you.”

“So, you’re all spending the week here?” Greg caught the hint of fear in Nick’s voice at the prospect of having to continue the healing process with everyone else present. 

“No man. We’re all going our separate ways for the week. We just needed to tell Greg the news and wanted to see how you were doing.”

Nick nodded. 

“So where ya’ll headed?” Bill asked, breaking into the conversation. 

“Nicky, hand me that dish, I need more of this wonderful cooking!” Greg waved his hands in a “gimme now” gesture and Nick handed him the lasanga.

“Believe it or not, I signed up for a group hiking trip in New Hampshire.”

“I’m going on a cruise in some nice warm southern waters. I need that tropical sun. Linds, my daughter,” Catherine quickly explained for Bill and Jillian, “is staying at home with my mother. She feels very left out, but I’m planning on getting drunk at least once. Can’t take her with, if that’s gonna happen. I mean, they have an open bar twenty-four/seven.”

“Right.”

“And you, Sara dear?” Jillian asked the quiet CSI. 

“I’m going to California to try and break out of my shell and figure out my life. Though I think it’s gonna take more than a week to do that.” Sara kept her eyes to her plate as she spoke, as if she were possibly ashamed of her social weakness. 

“It might,” Greg mused. “But still, good for you for trying. You’ll be glad you did.”

She brought her eyes up to his, “I hope so.”

“I know so.”

She smiled then and he returned the smile. 

“What about Griss?”

“Come on,” Catherine snorted. “You know him. The poor, boring, lonely soul is staying home with his family of bugs.”

“Figures,” Greg heard Nick mumble.

“He’s not lonely... he’s got his bugs.”

All of the CSIs burst into laughter. 

“Just don’t tell him I said that.” 

“Won’t dream of it.”

A long silence of voices filled the room as forks and knives scraped against plates and Jillian’s lasagna was devoured. Greg was hoping Nick had the recipe so they could experiment once they were living together again, just the two of them, but he didn’t feel like that moment was the right one to ask. He didn’t need anyone on the team assuming everything was ok with Nick and that he’d be back in Vegas soon, ready to work the graveyard shift once again. 

“So, Nicky, when are you coming home?” Catherine asked. And there it was. No, question if he was coming back at all. Just when. Like she expected to see him back in the lab the next day. She didn’t even have the decency to ask how Nick was doing first. None of them had, though Warrick had at least commented about wanting to see how he was. It wasn’t enough, in Greg’s mind. 

Everyone turned to look expectantly at Nick, putting him under the bright spotlight. Greg too, looked at his boyfriend and waited to hear what he had to say. 

“I... I... Guys, I just don’t know right now.” It looked as if Nick was having a hard time telling them he might never come back, but Greg didn’t say anything. This was Nick’s decision to make and tell the team, not his, unless they pressured him into returning sooner than he thought Nick could handle. 

“You know why, don’t you?” Warrick asked the others around the table with a little smirk. When he received puzzled glances, he explained, “He just wants to spend more time with the boyfriend.”

It took a moment, but Nick relaxed a little and even managed a smile. “You know it.”

Looking for a diversion for his brain and eyeing the rest of the garlic bread that sat on the table Greg asked his boyfriend to pass it over. 

“G, one would think you hadn’t eaten in months.”

“Nicky,” Greg gave a stern look. “When one has only had beans and rice for two weeks and is then fed amazing lasagna, this is what happens. Now, outta my way! I need that beautiful bread!”

Nick handed it over with a chuckle. “I told you, you couldn’t handle real living out there.”

Greg only scowled and dug into the bread with starving gusto. 

“You’re not coming back. Are you.” It was more of a statement than a question.

Greg suddenly felt cold and no longer hungry. His hands landed in his lap and he stared at his plate. A warm, familiar hand enclosed his in its embrace under the table. 

“I just don’t know,” Nick said, sounding much stronger than he had the first time he’d tried to explain. I don’t think I’m ready, or will be anytime soon. If ever. You should know I might not make it back out into the field.”

“What will you do if you don’t come back?”

Worried expressions watched him carefully. 

“I’m not sure, but Greg and I have been looking over the options. When we settle on something, we’ll be sure to let you know.”

“Greg?” 

Eyes turned to him, drilling holes into his body.

“I’m sticking with him,” he clarified. “Whether he goes back or not. I’m just patiently waiting until he makes a decision and lets me know.”

No one’s eyes left his for what seemed forever. 

And then Catherine’s mouth turned upward into a smile. “Please forgive my lack of patience, Nick. Greg, all I can say is between the four of us, I’m glad he’s got you. I never realized...” here she trailed off, looking lost. 

“I know, I’ve always been on the bottom rung of the ladder. No one ever really thought too much about me. It’s ok. You can say it. I never meant much to you,” he said, his eyes locking with hers to let her know he’d already come to terms with this a long time ago.

Nick’s hand tightened around his as he intertwined their fingers together.

“You’re right and I take it all back. I guess it helps to see people outside work to fully understand and appreciate them. I’ll be taking a lesson from you, and learning a little patience, among other things.”

“I take lessons from him everyday and it always amazes me how much he can teach me,” Nick said, brutal honestly in his voice and a look of love and adoration in his beautiful brown eyes as he settled them on Greg for a moment.

“She’s right, man. I’m sorry. We never should have rushed you into returning so quickly.”

“We should have seen the signs...”

“There were no signs, Sara.”

“Oh... God... Nick, I’m really sorry. Really, I am. I just...”

“Ok, you’ve all apologized. You want to take another lesson from the great Greg Sanders?”

“What could that possibly be?” Bill asked. “I thought they were doing a fine job...”

“Don’t linger on things like this. You only live once. And you never know when the end will come. You’ve said what you needed to say. There’s no need to draw it out. Speaking of drawing it out, Mrs. S, don’t you have Pictionary some where around here?”

“I believe so, but why?”

“We’re moving on. End everyday on a happy note, if you can. You all work the night shift. You know what can happen at night. Don’t go to bed angry at someone. Don’t leave work angry. You might live to regret it. Find someone or something to believe in and don’t ever let go. I didn’t come all the way down here to walk for days on end just to find Nick with no beliefs. I know who I believed in and I never let that go. Things are beginning to work out because of that. So, I’m proposing we clean up the table and play a little Pictionary. Have some fun. Lord knows we all need that.”

“I’m all for that, G.”

“I haven’t played that in ages, let’s go!”

“But we’ve got an uneven number for teams.”

“Well, you can count me out. I’m not much for figuring out stick figures and things that don’t even look like they’re supposed to,” Bill laughed. “I’ll get the dishes done while ya’ll have a good time.”

“Well, that settles it, dear. How about us girls against the guys? We’ll whip them silly!” Jillian suggested. 

Warrick looked at Catherine, Sara, and Jillian. “You’re on!”

As Jillian went to find the game and the rest of the CSI team helped Bill bring the dishes to the sink in the kitchen, Nick pulled Greg out to the front porch and shut the door behind them.

“Nick? I thought you wanted to play.”

“I do.” The older man pulled him closer. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

“I’m getting that feeling.”

“Have I told you how much I love you yet today?”

“Only a couple hundred times, babe. But keep going anyway.”

“Well I do. I do love you.” Nick gave him a chaste kiss. “I think I can do it. I think I can go back, maybe even at the end of next week. As long as you’re there. Just, start with moving home and then we’ll see. I still don’t want to rush things.”

Greg’s heart swelled at the thought of Nick calling their house a home once again. But he was still a little worried over the rather quick change of his mind.

“You sure about this? Their learning patience for you won’t come over night, you know.”

“I know. I never said I’d go back to the job right away. I’ll find something in the meantime, until I make that final decision.”

“You don’t have to. I’ve got you. Just take your time and figure everything out. Once you do, we’ll go from there. Ok?”

“Have I told you how much I love you?”

“Only a couple thousand times.”

Nick gave him another chaste kiss. 

“Come on you two! Are you gonna play the game or what?” Jillian called out through the livingroom window.

“Coming, Mrs. S.!”


End file.
